Rumble young man rumble

If television sitcoms have taught us anything, it’s that women are smarter than men.

Witness the bumbling husband on Everybody Loves Raymond, Gilligan on Gilligan’s Island (everyone could have gotten off the island if only Ginger and Maryanne had done away with the clumsy sailor), and that archetype of stupid males: Sam Malone on Cheers.

If women are cats, well then men are dogs — by and large our minds work like chipmunks with attention deficit disorder (excuse the sterotype).

We might not have book smarts compared to women, but we have something equally important: fashion smarts.

Witness the high heel.

For some reason the fashion industry (when it was mostly run by men) convinced women to wear shoes with the back cranked up several inches, just enough to cause serious back problems.

Every day walking in high heels comes with the possibility of stumbles and falls leading to a trip to the local hospital.

Question: How many men have you noticed wearing these modern mobile torture devices?

Answer: None. Becuz men are smart: spelled SMRT.

On average, women may be smarter than men, but somehow we managed to convince these gender Einsteins to wear stilted shoes.

And another thing, how many men wear makeup?

How many women?

When it comes to fashion smarts, men are relative geniuses compared to the fairer sex.

Call it our high-heeled revenge for them being such smartypants.

One of the most cherished dates in a hockey fan’s year is rapidly approaching, on Wednesday, March 4.

NHL Trade Deadline day.

By now most teams have figured out whether or not they will make the playoffs; some players are undoubtedly booking T-off times at golf courses.

After long hours of serious guess-work and no chats with NHL GMs, here are my trade deadline predictions:

Pittsburgh: They will land Marian Gaborik. They might make a play for Ryan Malone (Tampa Bay). Still, they’ll need help on the blueline, might consider taking Filip Kuba or Toronto’s Pavel Kubina.

Washington: They will land goalie Niklas Backstrom.

Boston: Look for the Bruins to add a veteran presence in the form of perennial rent-a-player forward Keith Tkachuk.

New Jersey: They will make a play for blueliners Scott Niedermayer or Chris Pronger but may settle for Phoenix’s Derek Morris as a doorprize. The Devils look like the team to beat in the East, and a big trade to land a defenceman (which will probably cost them forward Brian Gionta and a draft pick) will put them over the top for a long Stanley Cup run.

Philadelphia: The Flyers need to shed some salary cap to make a trade, look for them to trade Joffrey Lupul and try to pick up blueliner Jay Boumeester. If that doesn’t work, Morris or Ed Jovanovski are pleasing alternatives.

New York Rangers: The Rangers are usually buyers come trade-deadline day, GM Glen Sather has an itchy trigger finger, looking to beef up New York’s anemic offence. The Rangers will try to land Marian Gaborik, or Alexander Frolov. Another intriguing possibility: trading Gomez to Chicago for Martin Havlat.

Calgary: The Flames will try to land Phoenix centre Olli Jokinen and defenceman Derek Morris. Alternatives include Ottawa’s Filip Kuba and forward Antoine Vermette.

Edmonton: The Oil will make a play for Sens centre Jason Spezza, which will probably fizzle out, unless they are prepared to offer some serious prospects, draft picks and/or roster players either named Gagner or Cogliano.

Chicago: The Hawks will probably trade for Toronto centre Nik Antropov, but Carolina Hurricanes frontman Rod Brind’Amour or Colorado Avalanche forward Ryan Smyth would be nice additions.

Detroit: Not much movement here, the Wings will try to trade for Sens forward Chris Neil, or someone of the Dallas Drake variety.

S.J.:  Nothing. This team is set for a long run.

Vancouver: Will make a play for a blueliner: Kuba and L.A.’s Tom Preissing springs to mind.

Buffalo: Will win the Gerber sweepstakes.

Columbus: Will trade for a centre: Doug Weight or there’s an outside chance (if they’re willing to go for broke) the Blue Jackets will land Spezza — hefty price tag though.

Toronto: Might make a play for either Pronger or Boumeester, if not, the Leafs will hold onto Kaberle and trade pretty much everyone else not named Schenn.

Montreal: Les Glorieux need another centre — look for them to try and sign Olli Jokinen or fan favourite Jim Dowd.