Rumble young man rumble

I am the Charlie Brown of bloggers in my office.

Let me come clean: I understand little of the do-dads available to dress up blogs — links and tags mystify me and widgets wonkify.

My co-workers on the other hand, are the crown prince and princess of the blogging planet, online masters of the popular sites: observationsofanewsjunkie.wordpress.com and theryancokeexperience.wordpress.com.

A typical conversation between the three of us:

Observations: Wow. I received 1,000 hits on yesterday’s post.

RyanCoke, nodding sagely: That’s nothing. I scored a cool 5,000.

Me: I got two on mine and one of them was me.

This reminded me of the It’s Halloween Charlie Brown cartoon:

“I got a chocolate bar!”

“I got a quarter!”

Charlie Brown: “I got another rock.”

Once, I received 10 whole hits on a post, which only served to attract a round of nods and pity.

That’s when my canny sense started to tingle.

I researched online tips to attract more hits — one site suggested making comments on other people’s blogs and including a link attachment to your own site.

I tried this on a friend’s blog about Barack Obama:

My comment: That’s interesting. It reminds me of a fascinating article on rumbleyoungmanrumble.wordpress.com.

It lasted a whole 5 minutes — the length of time it took my blogmaster friend to hit the erase key on her keyboard — apparently it’s bad form to lie in the comment box.

She’s become my blogging Lucy.

However, I’m starting to learn the ins and outs of the blogging world — for instance I can now include photos and polls in my posts — excuse the copious number of polls over the next few weeks; it’s just so exciting.

One day I will open my proverbial halloween box and discover a Hershey bar instead of a dirty mish-mash of rocks.

Everyone needs a nemesis.

Batman has Joker. Superman has Lex Luthor. The L.A. Lakers have the Boston Celtics . . . you get the picture.

Nemeses are especially important in pro sports.

The Ottawa Senators evil dance partner happens to be the Toronto Maple Leafs.

But this town needs a new nemesis — let’s face it, the Leafs are boring and bad, and most likely will continue that trend as they completely retool their team over the coming years.

Post-season matchups are unlikely and games during the regular season have lost their oomph.

Which brings me to my point — this town needs a new enemy.

May I present for your consideration: the Montreal Canadiens.

The Habs fill many of the improtant criteria of a good nemesis — they play in the same division, they actually have a shot at making the playoffs, and their fans are extremely annoying.

I know, the players aren’t exactly the sandpaper variety that rubs Sens fans the wrong way in the vein of a Darcy Tucker or Tie Domi.

But if you’re looking for a team with annoyingly ardent fans, the Habs fit the bill.

It doesn’t matter how many times they miss the playoffs or fall into last place in the NHL. a Habs fan is always ready to bend your ear and wax on about the glory years of the bleu et blanc.

Their sentences are often peppered with the names Guy Lafleur, Larry Robinson, Maurice Richard and a host of other members of that famed Pantheon of Le Glorieux.

Example:

Normal fan: “I saw the Montreal Boston game last night. The Habs really got pumeled, eh?”

Habs fan textbook response: “Maurice Richard is a HOCKEY GOD.”

Normal fan: “Sure . . . but what about that game last night? Your team is now in last place in the NHL.”

Habs fan: “Lafleur won the Stanley Cup MANY MANY TIMES.”

Normal fan: “OK then.”

Hordes of Habs fans invade our rink at Scotiabank Place every time the Canadiens come to town — booing our players and cheering for their team, even if they are down several goals, as they often were over the past three years.

Forget Leaf Nation.

Public enemy number one should now be Canadiens Country — or whatever they call themselves.

It doesn’t matter that they aren’t a dominant team.

Their ability to annoy is simply outstanding.