Rumble young man rumble

Hundreds of thousands of jobs lost.

Billions spent propping up ailing the auto maker and financial sectors.

And the stock market has flat lined over the past year.

I think we all might need a little pick me up.

The solution is obvious.

Create a holiday.

Ladies and gentlemen open your minds and hearts and welcome Recessmass into your yearly agenda.

It’s simple to set up:

A) Recessmass Tree: Chop down one of your neighbours or former bosses’ trees — preferably a small bent tree with little foilage — something that resembles the classic from A Charlie Brown Christmas. Place it in your office and home and decorate with ornaments made from useless stocks and bonds certificates; pink slips and eviction notices are other options.

B) Recessnog: Gather round the Recessmass tree and serve up some cold Recessnog; it’s easy to make: just squeeze a few plastic containers of ketchup, mustard and relish into a rusty steel bowl, add lukewarm water and stir. Yum. Friends, co-workers and family can gather round the tree quaff a few nogs and sing old favourites like: Brother Can You Spare a Dime? Money and I’m Down, by the Beatles, and She’s Giving Her Children Away (The Kids) by Lou Reed.

C) Don’t worry about expensive light decorations — you probably can’t afford electricity anyway.

D) Gifts: If you have children who insist on gifts just tell them Depresso Clause won’t be coming this year because they were such bad boys and girls. Alternatively, tell them to get a job.

E) Food: No food is required except for muffins — It is absolutely vital that make muffins for your co-workers.

G) Date: April 1.

Have yourself a Merry Little Recessmass.